Log in

No account? Create an account


Hello again Livejournal! It's been what, two years? I kinda missed you!

And you know what? I want this journal to live again! I'm gonna start posting all kinds of things, and I'm sure you'll get tired of me, f-list. Speaking of which...what's happening on there anyway? Gonna start watching that too.

I mean, all kinds of things have happened in the last two yearsCollapse )



Well, Grandpa's been doing okay-ish. He was awake and alert the last time I visited. I told him I loved him as we left and he told me he loved me too, which was incredibly comforting because he doesn't usually talk. We went to the Thanksgiving Tea the nursing home holds every year. It was very well done. They had all kinds of food, tea, punch, coffee, and pie. Grandpa ate a little bit, so that was good.

School has been overwhelming. I had an Algebra test today. I didn't do so bad, but I missed two questions. I got all mixed up trying to use Cramer's Rule and I couldn't remember how to solve systems of equations using inverse matrices. (Did I give anybody a headache just there? Ahahaha)

I went with Casey to help make pies for our fundraiser, only one of the many we have to help us out on our trip to Greece. I didn't manage to sell any pies this year, because the response was usually something like 'why should I buy a pie from you at 7.50 when I can get it for 3.00 at Wal-Mart?'. That was reasonable enough, so I gave up on the pies and am concentrating on selling fresh Christmas wreaths, which are a little easier to sell since they aren't really easy to get anywhere else. I do get paid a little for helping make the pies, though.

Now, I have clicked on your eggs dutifully. Help my baby draggies out?

Adopt one today! Adopt one today! Adopt one today! Adopt one today!

I want them to live T.T

Because it looked fun...

What can I say? Everyone else was doing it :P

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 56.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the next seven sentences in your journal along with these instructions.
5. Don't dig for your favourite book, the cool book, or the intellectual one: pick the CLOSEST.

The closest book to me happened to be Inkspell...

    The honey did burn your mouth like red-hot coals, but the pain passed away--and if you bore it long enough, then afterwards you could speak to fire, even with a mere human tongue. The effect of a tiny piece lasted five or six months, sometimes almost a year. Just a soft whisper in the language of the flames, a snap of your fingers, and sparks would leap crackling from dry wood, damp wood, even stone.

   At first the fire licked up more reluctantly that it had in the old days--as if it couldn't really beleive that he was back. But then it began to whisper and welcomed him more and more exuberantly, until he had to rein in those wildly leaping flames, imitating the sound of their crackling until the fire sank lower, like a wildcat that will couch down and purr if you stroke its fur carefully enough.

   While the fire devoured the wood and its light kept the wolves away, Dustfinger found himself thinking of the boy again. He couldn't count the many nights when he'd had to tell Farid how fire spoke, for the boy knew only mute and sullen flames.

Heh it involved my favorite character. I love Dustfinger for some reason ^^



Grandpa was put in the nursing home recently, and he was supposed to come back home, but they won't let us have him back. I guess it's justifiable--it takes two strong people to move him now, because there's little he can do on his own--but I wish he could be home with us. I hate it that he has to stay there with people who don't love him like we do.

It takes them about half an hour to respond to the nurse call button. The reason he falls so much is because sometimes he really needs to go to the bathroom and the shitheads ignore him. Then we get a call at home saying, well, we found him on the floor, he's all bruised up now, even more than he usually is. He bruises easily now, even just when people help him up wrong.

He sleeps a lot. I guess that's more of a good thing than a bad thing. At least he eats now. For a while he didn't want to eat, and it scared me. My good friend works there, which makes me feel better, and she always tries to keep an eye on him even though she just works in the kitchen. She always tells me if he eats good or not.

It's really hard to even talk about him without crying. He's terminal, the cancer is all over his body and in his bone marrow, so it's only a matter of time. I don't think it's fair that it has to happen in that damn nursing home instead of at our home.

It's hard for him to talk anymore. He tries, though. The nurses said they thought he had a seizure the other day, but they weren't sure. They didn't even call us that time, we didn't find out until later.  Why? Because one stupid fucking nurse told everyone 'oh, they don't want to know. They told me.' Needless to say, Grandma and I were way pissed off. Yes, we want to fucking know. Grandma made her submit a report to Hospice and made sure they'd notify us about everything.

I don't really know what to do with myself. I always get mad at Grandma whenever she mentions Grandpa because both of us always start crying. All I can do is force myself to think of everything else but, or I'll be constantly in tears. I'm not entirely sure I can handle it when he does go.

And I hate myself because sometimes I find myself wishing that he would die. Not because I'm angry, but because I know he hates being sick and being unable to do anything for himself. He's always been such an independent guy, it's just killing him that he can't even move himself now. 

If there is a God, he is a cold and heartless God that he would have Grandpa die this way. I don't care how many Christians preach at me. God does not love me. I don't think he ever has.

What am I supposed to do?

Nov. 11th, 2008

This made me truly proud of our country:

Change we can believe in

How far we've come in the last three centuries of our country's existence. Be proud of the USA.




I have a freaking cold. Just when I was thinking that maybe my immune system and I were going to get along. Well, I almost made it six month without getting sick. (the last cold was in June. In the middle of frickin France.)

I wish I was old enough to vote. Go Obama! On the bright side, if McCain does end up Pres, I'm allowed to complain, heheh.

The weather today seems to match my mood. Typical Montana weather in November. Snowy, rainy, and cold, all in one day. And there are two Clark's Woodpeckers outside today. They must be southbound. I should feed them... The birdfeeders are empty.

*sigh* Hopefully this cold will be short. Off to get some more Robitssen.
Spent yesterday picking National Honor Society's section of Adopt-a-Highway with the NHS gang. You wouldn't beleive how much garbage and crap there is at the edge of highways. Loads of beer cans, pop cans, styrofoam, candy wrappers, tissues (used, of course) and the absolute grosses thing ever: we had to pick of a bottle full of pee. Yes, you read that right. Pee. *SHUDDER*
I think I washed my hands up to my shoulders afterwards...

One of my friend's parents is going through a nasty divorce (it's going to be her mother's effing fourth divorce. That woman has issues) and they're taking it all out on her. I feel terrible that I can't do anything about it. I mean, shouting at her parents and telling them they're terrible to her won't exactly help, will it? *sigh*

Another friend burned me like ten CD's, so I'm listening to them now...

Grandma is going for her second cataract surgery on the 15th...hopefully she can see better. We're hoping to get Grandpa home from the nursing home after her surgery and recovery. We've called in hospice to help us take care of him, but he's fading pretty fast. Cancer has got into his bone marrow.
I don't want him to die. He's the only father figure I have ever had in my life. I don't know what I'll do without him.
I suppose it's better, though. He's 89, and he's lived a long life. He can't go out and do anything anymore, and I know it really depresses him a lot. He doesn't like being sick. I don't know. I just don't.

...It snowed six inches today. It's really wet snow, and it sticks to the tree branches and fence posts. It's really pretty.

If I don't get this out, I'm gonna explode from the tension or something.

My English teacher is a ****er. We're supposed to be analyzing Lord of the Flies (definitely not my favorite book) and everytime I hand him something all he does is glance at it, he doesn't read it at all (let me say that again: he doesn't read it AT ALL) and then hands it right back to me and tells me it's crap.
*bangs head repeatedly against brick wall*
God that makes me so damn mad. How does he know if it's crap or not? My handwriting is fine and I spent three effing hours on that essay. GGRAHHH.

And guess what else? A friend of mine just got out on her own, has an apartment, has a job and all that, and then she calls me and she's crying and tells me she lost her viginity.
It wouldn't bother me all that much if she had done it with a boyfriend or someone she really liked, but she did it with some guy she didn't know very well from her work who had been nice to her once or twice. And she was incredibly effing stupid and didn't use protection.
Thank god she got her period a couple days later, so she isn't pregnant, but I don't want her to have any STD's either. I'm so dissapointed in her. I was all proud that she had a place and a job and then she goes and does something stupid like this. I know she's smarter than that.


*sits in a corner and fumes*


It SNOWED today. Yesterday it HAILED. It's so depressing T.T

You'd think summer would have lasted a little longer...and maybe at least we'd have a pretty falltime or something >.<

I can just imagine it...

Mother Nature: We're a little low on funding this year in Montana, so let's just skip from summer to winter, okay?

Montanans: NUUUUU!!!

It's not fair! Plus now all the flowers I had to work so hard at watering and weeding this summer are pretty much dead.


*makes plans to spend winter in Jamaica*

*don't I wish*